Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father's Day

Father's Day around here is becoming quite hard. First off, Landen has now realized that Lily's dad is not his dad and that he doesn't have a dad. It sucks. I don't know how to explain it to him at this point. I'm not quite sure what to say. So he made his grandpa a card because its really the closest thing he has..It seems that the men in his life don't "get" him so they push him away. I get sad and mad and frustrated because this isn't what  I wanted for him, this isn't how I wanted his life to be. I don't think that he would've turned out any different in the aspect of all his disorders and whatnot but I wonder if he would be better at sports or anything "guy" like..
Days like today make me very thankful and appreciative of my own dad, who is there for both Landen and I. I don't know what I would do without him.
Sometimes I wonder, if my son would have been neurotypical, would I still be in the same lonely situation??

Over everything

I wish that I could say that everything goes smoothly on some occasions or that there are times when I can stop holding my breath in waiting for the meltdown to occur. Well, at this point, I can't. Last night the neighbors where having a party and there were lots of people (adults and kids). Landen and my brother came home and wanted to play basketball with the other 8 or so people playing. Landen was in a bad mood anyways because apparently my mom wasn't getting him home fast enough so he was screaming and crying in the backseat. So of course, when the get here, he and my brother get into a fight within 10minutes. So here we go again! Trying to break up the fight, Landen trying to beat up my brother while my brother trying to hold his ground. Then Landen tries to "run away" by running down the street. He's all mad and wants my brother off his hoop. I finally get things settled down and everyone is okay to play again. So the night goes on and they have fun playing basketball, football and some playful boxing. Then everyone came inside and watched some TV. it was getting late, 940ish or so and Landen was playing on the computer. At some point after 10 the cheese roll ups he had were cold and he wanted them heated up. Well, it got heated up a little too much and the cheese boiled out. He didn't want it. He wanted to go back to taco bell for new ones. He proceeded to have a huge meltdown and crying and throwing and whatnot. He was over everything..Overtired, over stimulated, over hot, over hungry..It's exhausting. He calmed down and went to bed shortly after his meltdown but I wonder if earlier in the evening, things hadn't been so loud and crazy, if he would've reacted that way. I guess its one of those things that I will never know..At least not right now anyways.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

A Walk for Mental Illness Awareness Followed by a Complete mental breakdown

Today was the NAMI Walk 2012.  It was a great day for a walk! We all had a great time! Landen had a small issue at first with not wanting to walk because he was tired..which, in his defense, we had a busy day yesterday and a late night..But after chilling with grandpa for a while, he was willing to walk and he and my dad even ran through the finish line together *smile* It was kinda funny because as we were just starting our walk, a man asked my mom what we were walking for. She said "Mental Health!" He said "Mental health, huh? I've got mental health issues! Can I walk with you?" So he joined in the walk with us! He is homeless and has borderline Schizophrenia. He walked the whole way with the group! When we left, he was sitting and talking with someone from the Salvation Army. I hope that tonight he has a bed to sleep in.
Later on that day, the reason that we walked started having issues. He got mad that he lost on the game he was playing and he blamed my brother; who had done nothing wrong, but he just happened to be in the room at the time. That led to a 3 hour long meltdown. It was one thing after another after another! Sometimes I wish that I would think about video taping his meltdowns so others can get a glimpse of what really goes on. It's not a lack of discipline or a choice (most of the time) for these kiddos, it just happens and there isn't much that can stop it. I had to carry him back from down the street, physically restrain him quite a few times in the house to keep him from hitting and throwing things. After the 3 hours, it was like a light switch..He was done and it was over..
Now we  are fine and are sleeping. I hope that he gets very good rest because he needs it tonight!