Saturday, May 26, 2012

I'm trying

Im trying to see things differently for him. I'm trying to look
at the "bright side" of things. Instead of seeing differences, I'm seeing cute little quirks. I know there are times that I've got to bend him, bend him enough where he thinks he's going to break but then he will see that the world doesn't end if something goes a different way. I'm also letting things go. So what if he wants to listen to the same song over and over for an hour straight? Who's he hurting? NO ONE..and its okay! If he is happy, then I'm happy. 
Its one day at a time, one event at a time..If we can get through one day, we can get through 5. It will be okay, maybe not the "okay" I was expecting but we will be okay, in some sense of the word. I love him. I love him more than I could ever imagine loving someone or something. When he hurts, I hurt. When he cries, I cry. When he's in pain, I'm in pain. I hate that he has to struggle and that he will always be different but at the same time, I'm thrilled that my kid may pave a way for others to go down a path that is different and that he will help them know that being "different" is good! Its not something bad and that just because you see the world in a different way doesn't mean you are weird. We need more people in the world to look at things differently. He has already taught me to look at the world differently and for that I'm so very grateful.  So for his sake, I'm trying my best to keep seeing things differently..Not at problems but as solutions to things that i had never thought of..Together, we can do great things!!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Happy 8th Birthday!!

Dear Landen,
   Today is your 8th birthday. You had school today so we took cupcakes. They announced your birthday over the intercom and you got a cool magic pencil from the school as a present. This has been a year full of ups and downs, even more so than last year but one thing I know for sure hasn't changed a bit; my love for you. Even when I'm driven to the end of my rope and I think that I have no more to give you and that I can't do it anymore, you give me a reason to keep going. Everyday you find a very unique way to bring joy and happiness into my life. Although you may not know it now but you are a very unique and special kiddo that has taught me to never give up and never back down. There is always a reason to fight and stand up for what I believe in and for what is right, even if it is different than what everyone else thinks. Together we can pioneer our way down a new path that no one has traveled and it will be a wonderful experience given to us by a wonderful God.
I thank God everyday for you. That you force me to stop and be thankful for the little things, to see the world outside of the box. If only everyone could experience the joy that comes from the struggles that we face everyday.
Everyday you amaze me. The things you do, the things you overcome, the goals you have, the ideas you share. You strive every day to make me smile and laugh and show me the love you can. Same with your sister, she loves you so much and looks up to you. I know that as people learn your story and see what you can do, they will be amazed, just as I am.
I could not ask for a better kid. You bring so much joy and happiness into my life. Thank you for making me look at things differently. Thank you for making me into the woman and mom that I am today. Without you, I wouldn't be the kind of person I am.
I am so proud to be your momma!!!
I love you so very much! More than you could ever imagine, to the moon and back again, beyond the planets and the stars..You are my everything!! I love you sweetheart!
Happy 8th Birthday!!!
Love,
 Momma :-)

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Drum roll please......

Wednesday, Landen went through 3 hours of testing with a neuropsychologist. Friday, I found out the results..Well only part of the results, we spent an hour and a half together discussing things and never actually got around to talking about all the tests and their results. But we got the main thing out of the way..What do the tests mean for Landen...You ready? He has Asperger's Syndrome or AS. Here is a link if you want more information: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.htm
This doesn't change much in the medication area but it will change the services and the help that he receives.
I'm not surprised..In fact, I brought it up to a therapist when he was in kindergarten. She told me no because he makes eye contact. The doctor we seen says yes, kids on the Spectrum can make eye contact, in fact, they can make eye contact for so long that they forget to blink and can make the others uncomfortable. It's a huge deficit in social awareness, situations and skills. One sided conversations, not listening to what others are saying, not understanding teasing or sarcasm, saying hurtful things because they do not understand empathy or emotions similar to that. We talked about a bunch of stuff regarding his sensitivities to the outside world. He gets so distracted by outside "noise"; ie; kids talking, a clock ticking, a tapping of a pencil, the heater or air conditioner running, all those things that we do not think about, Landen hears and has a hard time drowning out of his mind. So he's hearing all of those things plus trying to focus on his teacher and school work. It would be very frustrating!!! So even though this is the end of the school year, a new journey begins with us. Now we are going to go down the Asperger road. Easier in one way yet harder in another.