Monday, January 30, 2012

Well, I guess we aren't good enough..

Frustrated...Last week, I was given the name and number to a child psych in the Omaha area. Supposedly, this guy was good, the "expert" per say..Well I call the office and talk to them about scheduling an appointment but the lady on the other end tells me that the doctor has a pretty full schedule and in order to see him, he screens his patients..So I give her the info she wants and the diagnosis' that we have and she tells me she will pass this along to the doctor. Waiting...Waiting...Finally, they call me today to tell me and I quote "Dr. Coy isn't in the office very much and he thinks that your son needs more frequent therapy than what he can give you. So...sorry!" I was completely annoyed by her comment of So, sorry..really? Like its that effing simple. This doctor is supposed to be one of the best in our area and wont see my son.Really?  I'm really annoyed now.  So I've got the name and number of one other doctor to try..
Sometimes, I hate living in Omaha, NE.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Drum roll please!!! What could it be now?!?!?!

So I thought we had things figured out by pulling him out of art class. Things were good for a week. Monday I had to pick him up early from school because he had a terrible headache..Turns out  he and his little sister have really bad sinus infections..I had no idea! So Tuesday comes and Landen wakes up in a TERRIBLE mood. He was crying and defiant saying he wasn't going to school. He said he was going to be late and he wasn't going. After 45 minutes of crying, whining, yelling and obscene things, we got out the door to school. I told him that since we were late, I would walk him to his classroom. When we got there, his teacher wasn't there. It was two parent helpers. The 2nd grade teachers were in a meeting for a little over an hour. I told them he wasn't in the best of moods and I left. I prayed that he would make it through the day.
I got the first phone call about 1250. It was the nurse. He was refusing to take his meds(not a huge deal) and was having a meltdown in the "boring"room. I talked with the teacher leader who told me the details and said if I call you back in 10 minutes, I can't get him to calm down. 20 minutes later, I get a phone call, from Landen, saying that he was better and was going to go back to class. Then my cousin said that she seen Landen in the office (but in a good mood) at about 215 or so. Then when I went to pick him up, I'm waiting and watching all the other kids come out and I just knew something was wrong. I got back into my car to my phone ringing..Its the principle of the school. She says he is in the boring room and wont come out. So i get lily out of the car and into school we go! This time he got mad because of his crayon breaking. He had moved a HUGE table from one side of the room to the other, I kid you not, I couldn't even move a corner of this table. We get calmed down, go and talk to his teacher about to fix the crayon and we leave.
I start talking to him about what happened and if he knew that his teacher wasn't going to be there. He said yes. I said is that why you didn't want to go? he said yes. I asked him why he didn't tell me. He said that he didn't know and that his tummy hurt and his heart felt weird and he couldn't do anything but get mad.
HMMMMM...
I wonder if he has anxiety!!!!
Plus he is not feeling well, not sleeping well, so I put him to bed early..and by that I mean I gave him his meds early..He was asleep by 645!!! Slept until 710 with only a couple of quick wakeups in betweeen.
So, yesterday(being Wednesday) went off without a hitch.
Today, we woke up the same way..Crying, whiny, he's not going to school. So I called in sick to work and we stayed home. I did not want a repeat of Tuesday in the books. He was super clingy, whiny and crabby today. He would cry if I was out of the room too long and he would hit his sister if she got too close to him. It was a rough day.
I emailed the school psychologist and talked to her about this. She is sending some paperwork home tomorrow with Landen about a program they have at the school for kid with anxiety..
I am exhausted.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Let's stop it before it happens

So I have to be honest and say that every time my phone rings and my son is at school, I cringe before looking at the caller id. I dread hearing from his school that he's having a problem. Yesterday I got a call from the school and it was the principle. My first thought was OH NO!! What now!?!?! But she just wanted to talk to me about her meeting with the specialty team at the school and their thoughts and concerns with Landen. We came to the conclusion that Art class seems to be a trigger for him right now so we are going to have him do something different during that time in the hopes that it will help keep him from having a meltdown. Today is Art day at school. Every Wednesday for a while now, I've gotten the phone call that he's having a meltdown on Wednesday afternoons..Lets hope today is the first day that I don't.
We just want him to be successful and if keeping him from art class is what helps right now, then I am all for that!
Photo from mastersimage.com

Monday, January 16, 2012

Let's try again!

So Landen and I had the whole weekend to ourselves..It was nice. No yelling, no sibling rivalry, no problems. Sometimes, its nice to have that quiet time with him to remember what a good kid he can be.
I called and got him into a different doctor today. This one is through the behavioral health department at Children's Hospital. The bad thing is that this appointment isn't until Feb 16th. So we will see how the next month goes...Hopefully things go smoothly..
Hopefully, this time will work..Its a guy..Landen needs more good guys in his life..I hope this is the one we need.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Whats the difference?

When you have a child who suffers from mental illness, it is sometimes hard to determine what is "normal" behavior and what is not. Especially when it's not the best behavior. Sometimes,  it's hard to determine when its a typical kid tantrum and what's more. Today, I got a call from the Teacher Leader at Landen's school. He was having a meltdown and wasn't able to get calmed down. So I had to leave work early to get him. When I got there, he was just starting to pick up all the winter gear he threw on the floor.
After talking with the teacher leader and with him I found out that he was doing an art project and he was trying not to overlap whatever it was he was drawing but he did anyways. He got frustrated and upset, threw his pencil on the ground and ripped up a paper. Then he refused to leave the class, for whatever reason so the teacher had to carry him out so the next class could come in. Then he proceeded to throw all kinds of gloves, scarves and hats on the ground.
He picked them up fine and we left as we had a psych appointment. I'm not sure if this was one of his "episodes" or just a lack of coping skills. I'm leaning more towards the coping skills. I'm not sure how to go about "fixing" that as most of the time its because he has no control over what he is doing. Maybe when I find a good therapist they can answer some of these questions for me..

One down, where to now??

So if you have read my previous posts, you will know that we switched psych doctors. Today was Visit #2. It didn't go so well. Our appointment is at 330. We walk in the door at 330. Sit and wait til 355..Get into her office, she asks how things were going and he had a meltdown at school today(I'll talk about that in another post) and explained things. Then she asked me all the same questions she asked me the last time we were there and ANSWERED HER PHONE TWICE!!!! To schedule appointments for other people no less. We were only in her office for 10 minutes total!!! Then she asks me if we need any medication refills, I tell her what I need, Concerta 54mg...She proceeds to tell me that we are going to change his dosing of that. Give him two 18mg pills in the morning for a week, then one 18mg pill for a week, then none. No adhd meds. uhh, no! I tell her well you know he's got severe ADHD, without the meds he can't sit still or focus in school. She tells me that it'll help him sleep better, might cut down on his outbursts and it'll be one less pill he has to take. WTF?!?!?!?! Totally didn't see that one coming. I tell her that I don't think that it is a good idea. She isn't listening to me, she's busy pulling out her schedule book to set up another appointment for us next week. I highly doubt we will be going back to her office again. I have an appointment with his regular doctor for tomorrow afternoon. I hope she will write a script for his current dose of meds until we can see someone else. I will be asking her for a recommendation.
I'm just so frustrated. Trying to find a child psych who is worth our time is becoming a very hard task!!!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Looking in His Eyes

He has such big, beautiful blue/green/gray eyes..They change colors frequently. Since he was little, he's always had such a wonderment about him. His eyes so big trying to take in all he could of the world. It wasn't long before I knew something wasn't "right". He would cry for hours at a time and look at me with huge crocodile tears flowing. I couldn't fix him. I didn't know what was wrong. People were concerned because he was so unhappy. I didn't know what to do.
Looking into his eyes, I could see the love and trust he had for me. I am his mom. Then suddenly, like flipping on a switch, his eyes changed. I couldn't describe it nor can I now, it wasn't my son that I was looking at, it was "something" else. He would get so angry and violent. He would bite, hit, kick, scream, anything you can imagine. He would tell me he hated me and wanted me to die. There have been times that he told me he wanted to die. And just as quick as it started, he would be back to himself. His eyes looked like him again.
I cannot imagine what the world looks like from his point of view. He's struggled with so many deep demons that no child his age should have to. But yet, he still has that innocence of a little kid. And I love it. I never want it to go away. He tells me everything. His eyes light up when he makes me laugh.
There are so many things I want to tell him. There are so many things I want to keep him from. I want to put him in a bubble and keep him safe forever. Not so much from physical pain as much as emotional pain. Kids are mean to each other. People are mean, especially if they don't believe in "illnesses unseen". These are the biggest problems to my child in his coming years. I will always be his fan. His advocate, his constant. I love him no matter what. Loving a bipolar child takes something that is hard to give sometimes. Unconditional love. We all say we do it but we don't. There is always something conditional but with a bipolar kid, it has to be. You have to let go of what the bipolar does, no matter how hurtful to you and continue to love your child. This has been the hardest thing for me to do.
I want to tell him that it will all be okay. We will be okay. I want him to have confidence and live life to the fullest.  I don't want him to worry about things or sink into terrible depressions. I want him to be silly and laugh at life, not hate it and wish it were over. I want him to know that its okay to cry. Crying is good. Its more manly to show some emotions than it is to pretend not to have them.
When I look into his eyes, I see the promise of an awesome God that knows why my son is here. He has a purpose. I hope he learns it someday.
I love him, with all my heart, unconditionally, to the moon and back, big and to pieces and pieces. I hope he knows this.

New Year and New Changes

I'm hoping for a better year for all of us in this house this year.  Tomorrow, I'm taking the boy to see a new psychologist/therapist. I'm hoping for someone who I'm not scared of and someone that Landen likes. I've read some reviews about her and I'm not sure..Its about 50/50 with people who like her and people who don't so we will see. I want Landen to have a better year and less stress. I want the anxiety to go away and his happiness to shine. I love him. We will wait and see what tomorrow brings!