Monday, December 26, 2011

So I made a choice

I made a few posts about how Landen did on his "new" medication. Not so well. So i put up with it for a week. A week of flying off the handle at a moments notice and an extra emotional boy. Then on Wednesday (of last week) my mom had to pick him up from school because he couldn't calm down. He colored something the wrong way and when offered a new paper, refused and proceeded to meltdown. So after struggling with the idea all week, I decided to not give him the new meds and just go back to what I had been giving him. So i did that Wednesday night. Thursday at school, he was receiving an award. His teacher came up to me and said he is the happiest I've seen him all year.  That made me feel good!
I picked him up and he had a super bad headache. He had a busy loud day. I chalked it up to that. So once we were home, he took a nap, threw up a few times. I talked to the pharmacist and found out that it could be withdrawals from the med I pulled him off of. He was sick all night Thursday, all day and night friday. Saturday, he seemed better, we went to a movie and he took a long nap. My ADHD kid NEVER naps!!!
I honestly don't know if it was a virus or withdrawals from the meds but I do know that tomorrow I'm shopping for a new pysch doctor for Landen.
I know my kid best, although, I may not understand what all the meds do, I do understand what they do to him right away. When one day my kid is fine and the next he throws two desks and a chair across the room and the only difference is a medication, I'm thinking its the medication. I'm learning to go with my gut.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 2, again, not so good.

So we changed up meds for today to see if that would help but it didn't. I got a call from the school counselor at 145ish today telling me that Landen was in the hallway refusing to move or talk to anyone. He had emptied out a couple of bins of classroom stuff that is kept under the lockers in the hallway. I tried to talk to him on the phone but he didn't want to. I started to gather my things to leave to pick him up from school and she called back saying that he was okay and wanted to go back to class. The reason this all started???? He got glue on his fingers. Yep..that's what I was thinking too..
So I talked with the counselor at school about it and I talked to his psychologist. She wants to up his Tegratol and Rispersol and change the times that he takes them. She also said that if he has a rough day tomorrow, she wants me to call a place that does partial hospitalization. That is where they do more tests and try to figure out his mood swings, meds and get him stable. Its more intense than outpatient but not as intense as complete inpatient. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that but if that is what we need to get him better, lets do it.
Landen and I talked today in the car on the way home. I asked him if he was having problems with his brain. He told me "yes, my brain isn't working right." It breaks my heart to hear that.
I just want to fix him.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Day 1, new med combo, not good.

So we started the new med last night. Seroquel instead of the Risperdol and slowing ween off of the Clonidine. He slept all night..and very sound. I was up quite a bit with the girl and he was in the same position all night long. When he got up this morning, he complained that his hips hurt! So we made it to school and he was in a very good mood today! I left my phone in the office, I hadn't heard anything all day so I was hopeful that things were going well. At 230, I get back to my phone. I have 2 missed calls and a voicemail that he has been having an outburst at school since about 130. What happened was that he was in Spanish class and couldn't do the worksheet. It had something to do with either not knowing the words or not remembering them, I'm not for sure. He couldn't finish, got upset, the Spanish teacher didn't know what to do so at the end of class, he go extremely pissed off and threw a chair and 2 desks (yikes). Then the teacher leader came to help him, Landen tried to attack him and they spent the rest of the time outside where he screamed at the top of his lungs for almost 20minutes. He hit and kicked the wall and screamed til he wore himself out.
When I got there to pick him up, I was dreading talking to them. I was having flashbacks from last year at his old school. But when I got their the teacher leader introduced himself and we went into his office and talked about a timeline. He was positive and understanding about the med change. He also told me to stop apologizing about it. There was no blame game, no being angry at Landen. They understand that this is out of his control. His teacher came down to see how he was and to talk to me for a few minutes before going to her meeting. I was very impressed with how they handled everything.
I talked with the psychologist and we are going to add back in the Risperdol but at a lower dose 3 times a day. So now, after lunch, he will need to go take this itty bitty pill. But, if it helps to keep him from throwing desks, I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow is a new day and we will conquer it, just like we do every day!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Okay, really?

This weekend was a tough one for me. Saturday morning Landen had a meltdown followed by me having a meltdown. I honestly don't even remember what the first one was about. I know that we were trying to leave for bowling (Landen is in a league on Saturday mornings). Then we survived the afternoon and things were fine, like nothing had happened. Then that evening my brother, my boyfriend, landen and I were going to go out to dinner. He started to have another meltdown before leaving then. Again, at this point, I'm not sure what it was about. So we finally make it out to go to dinner and he's fine, like nothing ever happened. I'm so confused. I hate walking on eggshells, but with a bipolar kid, that's pretty much your life. You never know what is going to set them off.
Then yesterday, the morning was fine, we went to a VIP free lunch thing. I was expecting him to have a huge issue when we left the house but he didn't. And when we were there, he was great! Once we got home he was fine, it wasn't until he started playing a game on PS3 that he got upset. He was trying to beat a certain level and he couldn't so he had to do it over and over and over..Then it was a huge meltdown..So after dealing with that, he want's to go outside with the boys and have a snowball fight. He was having a good time doing that until he accidentally got a snowball to the face. Then we had another issue. He started getting physical with me about taking off his boots so my boyfriend had to hold him so he wouldn't hurt me. Then we went down to his room where he hid in the closet and said he was stupid and would always be stupid and he wanted a new mom who doesn't yell at him. He eventually crawled under his bed(which he hasn't slept in, in about a month now) and tried to hurt my feet. I'm not sure what is going on or why but I'm glad that tomorrow we go to the doctor. I cannot handle much more of this right now.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

This is beginning to look familiar..

Last year at this same time, Landen stared having a lot of issues. This year seems to be the same way. I'm trying to make sense of it but I can't. I'm unsure if it is related to the seasons and weather change or if he needs therapy or a med adjustment..This just goes to show that I can't get comfortable with how things are going..I always have to stay on my toes. I'm so torn..I'm not sure where to turn or what to do. He was seeing a "play"therapist but I wasn't impressed. She always seemed unsure about what steps to take and what to do and the one time in 8 months that Landen was seeing her, he was having a rough morning, he started banging his head against the wall and she got concerned asked about medication. Then she ran out of the room to ask the meds doctor about it. Came back and said that I could give him more Risperdol if he was having issues in the morning. Then she told me that she didn't think that working alone with him would be a good idea. I just don't think that going back to her would the right thing. Trying to find someone that Landen actually likes is a tough thing. I'm just not sure but I don't like the familiarity that this is taking.