Thursday, August 18, 2011

I know they are just words but it still hurts.

We are going to be on day 4 in our new school year. All is going well, he is enjoying school and coming home happy. This I thoroughly enjoy. After school, we have been coming home and the kids have played outside on the new swingset (which they call a park and I think is adorable). Yesterday, Landen is supposed to get out of school at 3pm but since I won't get off til after 3, I signed him up for the after school program for a half hour (provided free from the school which is awesome because I'm poor and can't afford it otherwise). So I pick him up from school and i asked my bro if it was okay that we come over for a bit, thinking that the kids haven't seen him for a few days and they would be excited to see him. Well the problems start as soon as we walk in the door. Between Landen being tired from school and the attitude of my brother, there was lots of yelling and whining that ensued. Things settle down for a few minutes..I tell him we are leaving at such time ( i don't remember), he gets mad about something to do with a game and my bro and not playing or whatnot. He comes up stairs, changes the channel on the tv which sends lily into a crying fit. (Lovin life at the moment,btw) So I take the remote and turn the tv back to the channel it was on so that causes Landen to fly off the handle and scream at me, try to hit me. Welcome to my wonderful life! Then he says "I hate you. I will always hate you!" Yep, that stings, although I know he's just mad and doesn't mean it, it still hurts..Then I tell him that I love him with all my heart, he said again "I hate you! You are the worst mom ever!"
Again, I say, Welcome to my life! Yep, stung again! These are just words and I know that he doesn't mean that but it hurts and it just sits there in my mind and repeats itself over and over.
I have to detach myself from things like this or  I would honestly hate my own child. The words that he has said to me over the years are harsh at best and heartwrenching..I hate that I have to do that and that he makes me feel like crap but welcome to the wonderful world of Bipolar Disorder. Lots of things we don't mean done and said out of anger.
I hate it. I hate Bipolar Disorder but welcome to my life. When a "normal" child does or says something like that, there is discipline that MIGHT work to stop it, you can't do that with kids like this, not many people understand that. Sometimes I wish that i didn't have to either...Life would be easier....

(photo from

Monday, August 15, 2011

SUCCESS, One school day at a time!

Today was Landen's 1st day of 2nd grade. I was nervous for many reasons. 1) He's going to a new school.
2) He's in a higher grade which means more pressure.
3) New school district and I don't know the requirements of the district yet.
4) At the Sneak a Peek night, he wasn't very receptive to his teacher or the classroom.
He fell asleep at a decent hour last night and was up on his own at 630something this morning, which was awesome because last year, I struggled for over an hour at times to get his butt up. He wanted chicken nuggets for breakfast and ate all of them so I wasn't complaining. Then he had some cereal also. We made it to school ON TIME( yet another HUGE feat for us). He didn't want me to walk him to his class but I had paperwork to turn in anyways so I did :o) I was able to get a picture of him and his teacher(its on my Facebook page if you are interested). I was anxious the entire day and when I picked him up he said he had a good day. Then proceeded to tell me about music class and the teacher and what they did in music and he was happy. And that makes me happy. This was my goal for the day. A happy child who successfully made it through the school day. Tomorrow is a new day but the same goal. Its no longer a year by year or a grade by grade thing but a day by day and sometimes, a moment by moment thing in order to get us through the day.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

New School Year, New Anxiety---by Mom

In less than a week Landen will start 2nd grade at a new school. After the issues we had in OPS last year, I'm not doing THAT ever again. He doesn't seem to be scared or anything. I asked him if he was excited to start school, he smiled huge and said "YES!" and for that I'm thankful.
Today, I got a surprising phone call from the psychologist at the school. The team was looking over the paperwork that transferred and all the info that his old school gave him. She talked with me about what had been going on, the meds he is on and the plan that we have been working on. She also told me about what their plan is going to be for him. They are going to work the positive side of things instead of waiting for something to happen which I love! We spent about 20 minutes on the phone talking about strategies to help my son.
So needless to say talking to her really helped lessen my anxiety with Landen starting 2nd grade! I cannot wait to see what other ideas they have this year!!