Saturday, May 14, 2011

To my little boy on his birthday

Dear Landen,
   Today is your 7th birthday! What a day is was! You had a lot of fun at your party and many people who love you very much were there. I cannot believe that you are 7. Sometimes it feels like its gone so quick and other times it feels as if it has taken a lifetime already. In this past year we have been through so much together. You amaze me more and more each day, especially as I learn the struggles within yourself that you are dealing with at such a young age.
I love you so much and I know that you will do great things in life. The joy and the smiles these past few months have been heavenly. I'm not sure that you truly enjoyed life before the new medication. I'm so glad to see your beautiful smile and your big blue eyes light up the room.
You are such a smart boy! As of right now, there is one week left of 1st grade. You are reading at at 3rd (sometimes 4th) grade level, you are doing 2nd grade math and can read "sight" words up to 5th grade. Your memory about certain things is astonishing.
You are nothing short of an amazing little boy. God gave you to me for a reason. We may have our ups and downs but you are making me a much better parent and person on our journey. I had no idea what was in store for me when I found out i was having you, but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that times get hard and will continue to do so as you get older but we will take each "bump" as it comes and not look too far ahead because we will miss the right now in front of us.
I hope that you know today, and every day, how much you are loved! I love you my sweet baby boy, Landen William..
I love you to pieces, to the moon and back, for ever and ever and ever.

Monday, May 2, 2011

I wish I could..

I wish that I could take the pain and suffering away from my children. I know all parents say that. Its hard for me to explain to others how I feel while watching my son fight an internal fight of emotions. When there's nothing that I can do but sit and watch it happen. When I know he has to interact with other children and let me tell you, other children are MEAN! No matter the age. It hurts me to see him hurting because of someone else's words or actions. I want to take it all away. I want to put him in a bubble so he cannot be hurt by anyone, ever.
There are times when I have to turn away from him as he's crying about how dumb or stupid he is and how its the worst day of his life (all because he spilled something on his pants) because I'm in tears myself. Nothing that I can say or do will make it any better and that is the worst feeling in the world as a mom. Watching your child be tormented and not being able to do anything about it. I want to follow him around everywhere he goes to make sure he doesn't get hurt by others. Others who don't understand him or care to understand. He has so much in his own mind that makes him hurt and feel bad about himself, he doesn't need others to help him in that.
I feel helpless. I feel as if I'm failing him every day that he's hurt. I know its life but he shouldn't experience all the pain that he does at the age of 6. Its sad. But I have to wipe away the tears, swallow the cry and slap on a happy face for him and his sister..I have to be strong for them..We have to keep on pushing forward, through it all.